Heart Attacks & Barnsley Barbara
It was just an ordinary Tuesday
Tuesday strolls with the pooch, the normal route the one that misses the hills and the heart pains but allows for Syd to be off his lead running around. The reward at the half way mark is an amazing Flat White for me and Doggy treats for the pooch. Plug to my fave coffee spot if you don’t already know is Coffee Mill & Cakes Skelmanthorpe.
Give Me A Seat
Arriving at the coffee shop chest pain and out of breath, it wasn’t overly unusual but the past few days i’ve just not felt right or myself more than usual. I decided to have a seat and my coffee sat outside and take 5 to recover.
My body felt heavy and I felt a little spacey, I sat sipping my coffee slowly and watched village life pass me by..
Trust Your Gut
My walk back home I kept thinking to myself, I really need to push for my heart check ups nobody has come back to me and i’m well overdue, maybe il ring the gp when I get home to just see what they think as to how i’m feeling now.
Mmm maybe il go to a&e if i’m not feeling any better, I really don’t want to waste anyones time though.. all the thoughts, all the feels whizzing though my head, should I, shouldn’t I.
All I have done is chase for things, push for appointments and I was exhausted from it, it really had started to take it’s toll..
“You need to get Yourself to A&E”
The words from the GP Receptionist “if you are feeling how you do with chest pain. breathlessness and arm pain then it’s best to get checked”. Now these are symptoms I experience daily and have for 2 years so not uncommon for me the classic heart attack signs symptoms but it was something just niggling in my mind that was off that i didn’t feel right..
No Messing Around
Checked in at the front desk of A&E at Barnsley and quickly I was in a chair whisked through hooked up to the ECG machine, bloods taken and the next thing being treated for a Heart Attack, It all happened so quickly everything felt like a whirlwind. The injections went in the meds went down and everything seemed such a blur.. It’s hard because you still can’t have anyone with you and I have to admit I felt scared..
Heart Attacks & Barnsley Barbara
That’s when Barnsley Barbara smiled at me, an older lady in her 80’s, a warm friendly smile with a scared look in her eye. She had previously had a stroke and had come back in not feeling well again with a racing heart. It was the smile we both needed a friendly face a reassuring look, and a little chat.
Tears Flowing
We waited to be admitted to a ward, or for a bed to become available. Then they came to take Barbara off to a ward, she reached out her hand and held mine, the fear rose up and the tears flowed out we both got that scared feeling again.
I did smile though when she asked the porter if he could make sure there was a bed next to her that I could go to so we could be together… I’m crying again even writing this, thinking of the moment you do just need someone with you and how covid has changed so much in our lives.
Heart racing Out of Control
My heart rate was going crazy up to 200 dipping down to 120 beating in strange patterns and this was at rest.. I had x-rays done and then a bed came up. Moving to a ward I was hooked back up to the ECG machine, further meds given and then monitored every hour by nurses and Doctors. More bloods taken, both arms hashed from cannulas and bloods along with hands.
Then the blank looks “Fabry”. Nobody had heard of it, but I felt confident that once the Cardiologist came to see me he could pick up on my notes and run wit them, as it was barnsley that had confirmed the diagnosis of this shitty disease and the very reason I had gone to Barnsley A&E almost 2 years ago was with my heart..
Having Faith
I did, and this was a biggy for me, I’m not very trusting in our system. Ive not just had a bad experience, I have had 9 years of utter bullshit, of a broken system, of being placed in the too hard basket for too long so you see when I question EVERYTHING that is the NHS it is because I have been let down so badly..
2 years ago I regained some faith, I had the most amazing cardiologist. I always tell everyone he saved my life, so I knew this time around I was in safe hands, I had faith that I would be looked after.
After all night visits by the DR, it was coming to the time the cardiologist was doing his rounds..
I’d had no sleep and my heart rate was still really high..
Then that smile came around the corner, I felt relieved, I felt the faith was there and the man that is Dr Santhalingham.
The softly spoken voice, showed care and compassion, he knew of my history and of Fabry, It had been discussed in the Cardiology department after my diagnosis ” The Rare Girl” yes that’s me!!
He went through everything with me and explained it all so well, in-fact in that moment of him explaining I wanted to give him great big hug, What my heart was doing would explain so much as to what the rest of my body was doing or more to the point not doing..
I feel somewhat relieved that maybe just maybe, although there is no cure, that I can have some quality of life to do everyday things.
Life Flashed Before My Eyes
There is so much more to say to this weeks hospital stay, I know that I feel so very grateful to still be here, I know that all the work I do to remain as healthy as I possibly can aside from the Fabry is what kept me alive.
I’ve done all the inner work and the outer work and I will continue to, to live the best life possible..
I won’t ever give up the fight. I won’t ever take any day just for granted because life is so bloody precious and honestly I thought my days were up, there was a moment in my hospital bed that I actually thought I wasn’t here anymore..
